What I've been upto

This semester has gone a little too fast for my liking. Though there were plenty of good memories and takeaways from this semester, it has been by far my most stressful time in this college yet. Between taking on a number of technical projects and trying to rescue a sharply falling SG due to a poor T1, there has been very little free time this sem. Above all, this sem has shown me just how limited of a resource brain power is. Thinking about solving problems wears me out much more easily than it used to.

That's not to say what I've been doing is all drudgery. Some interesting projects that I've been working on:

GSoC 2016 Project - kio-stash

Yup, this project has been in the pipeline for months. While it (mostly) works on a clean install of KDE, it has some bugs with copying with mtp:/ device slaves and isn't very well integrated with Dolphin yet. It is in my best interest to have this shipped with KDE Frameworks as soon as possible, so I'm looking into patching Dolphin with better, more specific action support for my project.

 

IEEE Signal Processing Cup 2017 - Real-Time Beat Tracking Challenge

The premise of this project doesn't seem very complicated - a team just needs to submit an algorithm which can successfully detect the beats in a song in real-time on an embedded device. Heck, I had already implemented the same on an Arduino with a microphone for rather fancy lighting in my hostel room. Unfortunately, as I've learned the hard way, anything that looks simple is deceptive and this project is a perfect example. For one thing, a song by itself in the amplitude-time domain is nearly impossible to extract any data from, so it requires a (Fast) Fourier Transform to extract frequency bin amplitudes to get anything useful from it. Next, obtaining beat onset and detection requires generating a tempogram to find the BPM of a song to find the approximate beat positions. There are many interesting approaches and different algorithms to solve this problem. Fortunately, I'm not doing this alone and the seniors I'm working with have a better understanding of the more difficult mathematical components of this project, leaving me free to code in C++ and deploy it on actual hardware.

 

foss@bphc

This project is a society on campus I started with three programmers (https://github.com/Nischay-Pro/)[far] more competent than myself. It all started in September this year when we had the two-day long Wikimedia Hackathon on campus. Though my contribution to Wikimedia was small, I got a lot out of the hackathon by meeting the people from Amrita University who came for organising the event. Listening to what Tony and Srijan had to say about how much working for foss@amrita had benefited them made me realise how much room for improvement there was in BPHC. As far as this society goes, things are still in their infancy, yet I feel there is just enough critical mass of talent and enthusiasm in open source development to push this society forward. We even have our own Constitution!

 

Making a personal website?

While Blogspot has been a faithful home for this blog for over half a decade, it is time to move to a modern solution for hosting. Plus setting up a website will teach me a bit about web development too, and I've needed an excuse to learn it for a while. Surely it can't be all that hard, right?

 

Burnout

While the slew of all these technical projects seemed like a good idea at the time, it has pushed me closer to burning out. It is the same feeling as what I felt the same time last year, albeit for different reasons.

Some of it has carried over from studying harder at the end of this sem than I had done so before. To my surprise, studying under pressure was actually more effective than it was without. In some ways, it was a throwback to studying for the number of exams nearly a couple of years ago. It has made me question whether any of my education was as much for the knowledge as it was for the desperation of avoiding failure. I still haven't figured it out, but at least I feel like I'm not as adverse to putting in the hours for getting a decent CGPA as I had been last semester.

There have been compromises in other spheres of college life as well, investing so much time in studying or doing projects has made me cut down my participation in other clubs and I've quit nearly all the non-technical clubs I joined last year. There's more than that too - I feel it's much harder to be fully immersed in anything anymore.

Maybe it's just something else which requires more soul searching.

What do I do now?

I spend a lot of time thinking since I've joined college.

I had postponed a lot of introspection during the two years I spent slogging away for the JEE. But now, with ample free time and practically no requirement to go for classes, I've finally got some time to look back and see how things have turned out. Things started off on the back foot, and while 1-1 had its charms, I wasn't exactly happy about how things had turned out at the time due to a bad time with the entrance exams for all the wrong reasons.

But I digress, as time has passed, I have learned to live with my failure a little better every day, though it still sticks out like a sore thumb on an otherwise decent academic profile. What has turned out to be an interesting exercise is to compare what I expected from college a year ago and reality.

To be fair, BITS Pilani (this applies to all campuses, but in this case, Hyderabad Campus) has some of best internal systems among all Indian colleges. Optional attendance, good grading system, decent infrastructure, and a lot of freedom is more than what can be asked for a lot of other colleges. Despite some glaring flaws such as a lack of a solid technical culture, this college has punched above its weight for such a new institution.

But as an engineering utopia? I feel like we are way short of the mark Aaron Swartz mentioned in his blog:

"Perhaps it’s natural, when doing something so greedy and practical as a startup, to pine for the idealized world of academia. Its image as a place in an idyllic location filled with smart people has always been attractive; even more so with the sense that by being there one can get smarter simply through osmosis. People describe a place of continual geekiness, of throwing chemicals into the river and building robots in free time. A magical place for hackers to just enjoy themselves."

This aside, I am of the opinion that the version of me a year ago would have been sorely disappointed by the version of me today. I feel that I was much more hardworking and efficient back at that time. The two years in JEE preparation were undoubtedly the worst years of my school life but now looking back, it was the time which did bring out the best of me in the briefest of moments. I would have had no idea just how driven and hard-working I could be for a goal that would always be just a touch out of view.

Despite my frustrations with life during JEE preparation, the epiphanies I used to have on weekly basis with studying physics during JEE kept me going. It was a positive feedback loop with no goading required. On the other hand I can't remember the last time I actually enjoyed learning something in class in this college. I hope it isn't a sign of things to come when I start "engineering" coursework in my 2nd year but I have pretty much lost all motivation to study.  The unbridled enthusiasm I used to have when studying for entrance exams and the giddy thoughts of making batshit crazy projects in college has dwindled. In my first semester, it was a convenient excuse to blame this on burnout after pushing my limits for two years but I've come to realize that the reason is probably shallower than that. It's not just with academics though - wasting time still feels painful but I have nothing I want to do to fill in the gaps. Is there a cause for this? Probably. Have I figured it out? Absolutely not.

It feels like an artificial conflict of time between these misguided academic pursuits and to actually work on something worthwhile. I could put up with it in school with the thought that there would be enough free time to pursue this in college - and while there is - it begs the question why such artificial restraints on time in the form of exams are always looming in the first place.

At this point of time, I don't know what to do. With compre in half a month but a GSoC project and a couple other projects I've planned in the pipeline, it's a pretty easy decision to make the choice of which one of these two things I would want to work on. For a CGPA for which I cannot care for anymore, it might be one of the worst decisions I can make.